Mary Jane’s in a spot that millions of current and former college students can identify with: She hates her school and wants out.
For an unfortunately large chunk of first-year students, college life ends up sucking once you get to campus. That super-awesome orgy of intellectual, cultural and social stimulation promised in your campus tour and marketing materials never quite materializes.
This happened to me when I arrived at Boston University in 1992, all the way from Box Elder, South Dakota. Although it’s cleaned up now, Box Elder back then was a great place to go if you wanted to run away from home and hide out in an abandoned trailer living off Cheeto crumbs and crystal meth until your mom and her current boyfriend gave up on trying to find you.
I looked and dressed like an overweight Joe Dirt, and shockingly, I did not fit in well with most of the wealthy private-school kids from New York and Massachusetts.
So anyway, I feel Mary Jane’s pain when she writes:
So I’m sort of stuck in a dilema here… I’m a freshman at a public state school in my state… The only thing is, I hate it here.
That’s all? 🙂
My classes are good, but I don’t like the atmosphere of the school (very party oriented and peppy preppy school spirit-y), where it’s located (I’m from Milwaukee… which has nearly 1,000,000 people, this city has barely 15,000), my roomate (think hannah montana marathons
Is Hannah Montana popular among college students? I admit, I’ve been trying to avoid her like the plague for the last several years, but I always assumed she was the domain of middle-school girls. Have her fans made it to college already?
and screaming at the TV whenever it comes on),
In anger? Why? You’re right, that would be annoying.
and finally being so far away from everything (I’m 4 hrs away from home, and 5 1/2 away from my boyfriend of 3 years).
Now this, you can deal with — it’s a mindset thing. I’ll get to that below.
I want to go to a different school next year, but the only other schools around are in Chicago and extremely expensive.
All of them? There must be some affordable schools there, right?
The schools in chicago are probably better schools (I’m going for hospitality and there are thousands of hospitality schools in Chciago
Yours is pretty highly rated for hospitality, though. By virtue of nothing other than Chicago’s enormity, I’d say sure, there are probably more highly rated hospitality programs somewhere in the city. But they could certainly be much, much more expensive.
plus both schools are ranked high in the list of private schools
I’m not sure which two schools you’re referring to here.
and i would only be around an hour away from my family and maybe half hour away from my boyfriend.
The whole issue of being close to home, family and girlfriend/boyfriend varies so widely that I have to pretty much give the same super-general advice to everyone. So, take these principles as guidelines and apply them to your situation as you will:
a) Your family will always be your family, and you’re only in college for four(ish) years. Neither you nor they will perish if you’re scarce during those years; in fact, being away from them forces you become independent, which is a critical thing. By all means, keep in close touch with them, come back for holidays and breaks, videochat every Thursday night, or whatever. But basing your school choice (which affects your major, which can affect your lifelong career) on where your family lives is not usually a great idea.
b) No one likes to hear this, but boyfriends and girlfriends come and go. A LOT. I went to three different colleges and had a different girlfriend follow me to each one. None of the relationships lasted, and my experience is the rule, not the exception.
Now, I’m not saying you and your boyfriend aren’t the exception. You may be, you may have one of those “Titanic” love stories in you. But if you are, it won’t matter that you’re a few hours apart for a while.
But if things go bad, you can’t change colleges with nearly the ease that you can drop/add boyfriends. There is no lengthy and painstaking transfer boyfriend application, and it’s cheap to switch (provided you stick with guys who have jobs). Obviously, this is not so with colleges. 🙂
The main problem is the finances… My school currently costs 14,000 R&B included, while both of the other schools are roughly 23,000 (they are offering me scholarships for my grades though, about 7,000).
Well, the scholarships make the cost roughly even. $14,000 vs. $16,000 is too close to call in my book — but luckily, we have plenty of other criteria to consider here! 🙂
Also, I’m worried people would think I was too codependant if I moved closer to my family and boyfriend.
Are you worried other people will think that, or are you really worried that transferring will make you feel that way about yourself? I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s still true — it doesn’t make a damned bit of difference what other people think, as long as you’re secure in your decision.
But maybe you’re not — which is OK, too, as long as you realize it. Is it possible that voice in the back of your head calling you a codependent is actually your own voice? Sometimes people project their own self-doubt into other people’s mouths, and as a result, they worry too much about what those other people think (I know this because I’m one of those people!).
OK, enough psychology. Well, not quite. Here’s the thing: you have to do some self-examination and reflection, at some length, and decide whether you’ll be able to, for lack of a better term, “live with yourself” if you move back to your family and boyfriend.
The question is whether you can quash or coexist with that voice in the back of your head saying you’re codependent, and only you can answer that.
What should I do?
Well, back to what I was saying before about mindset: we make things harder for ourselves by concentrating on what we don’t have or what we don’t like, rather than what we do.
For instance, if you’re in a long, boring class, and you sit there and watch the clock tick, the class seems to last FOREVER. If you concentrate on something else — anything else at all, reading, listening to the professor, texting other people, doing homework for another class, etc. — the time goes by much faster.
It’s the same way when you’re in a different town. If you’re constantly thinking about what your current town doesn’t have and comparing it to Milwaukee, then you’re bound to be miserable. If you focus on really trying to dive into the things that it does have and try to stop thinking as much about what it doesn’t, you’ll enjoy your time there much more and, consequently, it will begin to fly by and you’ll be back home visiting your family and boyfriend in no time.
All people find themselves in an unhappy spot sometimes, and the first and most important question to ask is whether you’re doing everything you can do to fix that — before pulling up stakes and hoping that a geographic move will help.
I don’t know the answer in your particular case, but I’d guess you’ve probably still got some last-ditch effort in you to try and make it work. Especially since you’re apparently a good student in a good program at a relatively inexpensive school. That’s worth trying to salvage, if at all possible.
— That’s my advice for the day. What about you all? What would you do if you were Mary Jane? Let us know in the comments below.
Me, personally? It’s September, and has probably been at school for only a few weeks. I think she’s homesick. And missing her family, and “the boyfriend”. Some soul searching MAY help her find the answer, but only if she’s not trying to find all the good reasons why she should run back to her boyfriend.
Boyfriends DO come and go, and I don’t know a SINGLE person that went to college with a boyfriend and graduated with the same one. I know some girls that went to college and quit to play house and get married to the boyfriend. I’ve seen people go to college and end up marrying someone they met at college….but high school sweetheart AAAAAND a degree? Not a single soul I know. Not that they’re mutually exclusive…I’ve just never seen it happen.
Boyfriends are great, really. Enjoy it for the time you are together, and as you grow and change, you may find you’ve outgrown each other. And that’s ok…you can even find each other later in life and be good friends and laugh about high school.
Wherever you go, you take yourself with you. So, while your roommate at THIS college may be annoying (and IMO horribly immature), and there might be a ton of rah-rah preppy girls and guys there (which, IMO is better than apathy any day), these people are EVERYWHERE. To think that there won’t be annoying people and people that don’t share your interests at “another college” is misguided. I’d say dig in and find a club that might interest you. Just one. Go a couple times. If it’s not for you, that’s cool. But maybe there’s one person in the club that *is* fun. And they might know of another club. Or a cool hangout. Or the best dorm lounge EVAH to hang out in. You gotta put in the effort to get what you want out of life. No one says you have to be in with the rah-rah group, but if you have *a* group, you’ll probably care less about the rah-rahs.
…aaaaand a great big el-oh-el @ Joe Dirt in Box Elder. You’ve nailed it, Josh.
Re: Being far from family and boyfriend.
Four to five and a half hours travel time is not that bad. It is perfectly reasonable for a weekend visit, as well as scheduled breaks. As someone who spent two years at a school ten hours away from home and who has had two boyfriends who were half a continent away for most of the 18 months I dated each of them, I can tell you I’d have KILLED to be only four or five hours from my loved ones. As Judge Josh said, it’s all a matter of mind set.
Re: The annoying roommate.
Talk to your Resident Assistant. That’s part of what RAs are trained to do – mediate roommate conflicts. If you can’t work out an arrangement that suits both of you (which may or may not be possible) you can request to change rooms.
Re: Not liking the atmosphere.
I’m going to second what Judge Josh said here – it can be very easy to focus on what you lack, especially coming from a big city to a small town school. However, if you look, I’m certain you can find friends and activities that will appeal to you and make the rest less gratingly obnoxious.
Hey, Mary Jane
I understand a lot of what you’re going through. I went to a local (cheaper) state school and hated it. Halfway through my sophmore year I decided I’m outta here and decided to transfer.
I say if you’re unhappy with your life you have to take steps to change it, provided that you’re making these decisions for the right reasons.
Boyfriends and families shouldn’t be the reason you don’t explore other schooling options. When I decided to transfer I had thought about going to my boyfriend’s school, I decided against it. It’s good to have space to grow and be an individual, to be able to further define yourself and not feel like you’re just the other side of the same coin. College is a great way to find your footing and really discover who you are away from your family’s expectations and the expectations of friends, boyfriends and other social contacts which while they are positive and are beneficial to you may still make you feel like you have to live up to their standards instead of establishing your own.
About the boyfriend, if your guy really loves you the distance won’t matter. My boyfriend and I go to schools over 200 miles apart and we’ve been doing this for 3 years. We’ve been dating for about four years.
I’m sure you know long distance is difficult, but it has strengthened our bond and has made our time together so much more valuable so we appreciate it more and treat each other better as a result.
And now the cost, with the scholarships the cost is about even, even if it’s 2000 more, if it means that You’ll be HAPPIER there I’d say go for it. If you’re happy you’ll be more productive in school, your stress levels will go down, you’ll focus better and your quality of life will go up. All for 2000 more.
Transferring is always a chance. It’s a gamble but sometimes you gotta take the risk to get the reward. If you have any other questions or need anymore help just email me.
I hope I’ve helped!
~Therese
I think September is WAY too early for new student to be throwing in the towel already. You may find after a few months that you actually likes your school. I’m sure many freshmen get homesick and find school terrifying at first. Sometimes you have to “fake it ’til you make it” – pretend you’re having fun until you actually start to. If your roommates loud music and yelling bother you, then ask her nicely to keep it down. Partying and participating in school spirit activities is certainly not a requirement of being in university, but it would make it more fun and give you chances to make friends.
You have to cut the cord with your family at some point – if you return home now, it will make it harder not to continue the cycle of running back home everytime life sucks. As far as your boyfriend goes – if he is the same age as you, he is likely out there experiencing new and different things as well – a lot of people change affter high school – he will not be the same person over the next few years as he was in high school – whether or not that is compatible with the relationship can only be determined by time 🙂
People above have said it way better than me. I’m in second year and last year I was miserable at first.
Promise yourself that you’ll wait until AT LEAST the first semester is over. By December, you’ll likely have a whole different view of the school!
I am in the same situation but different. I am a junior. I started off at a community college 45 min. Away from home and drove 2-4 days a week for two years. I made a new best friend there and loved the atmosphere of a small school because I graduated from high school with 53 other people. So naturally when it came to pickin the next school I picked the smal commuter school where I now drive back and forth an hour. My choice is haunting me because I could have gone to a state university where I would have roomed with that best friend and I would have been able to get an honors scholarship and more probably. I let previous teachers and oaches tel me that this small schol was so much better and there wasn’t partying or anything like that all the time. I totally regret it now even though I have an academic scholarship paying for tuition because there is an air about the schol where everyone seems depressed. Even my advisor seems like she hates her job. The professors don’t seem excited about what they are teaching and everytime I apporach someone about working together on something everyone seems to have already worked on it or has to leave schol asap. I hate it and I feel like I’m the only upbeat person on campus. The school clubs are basically extinct and there are no sports teams or anything. The drive to schol wears me out and when I get home to work on online classes my momexpects the house to stay lean. I feel like I’ve tried to make it work, but no one sems to want to work and be successful, my clasmates are al married and have hildren and work 40 hrs. A week. Am I wrong for wanting to transfer with this scholarship or do I stick it out and be miserable?
MJ –
I had a similar experience my freshman year of college. It was somewhat the reverse (I was too close to home for comfort), but, within a few weeks of arriving, I could tell that my school and I did not mesh. I struggled for a long time, back and forth (“I could just suck it up, four years isn’t so long, I’m getting a good education, etc etc” vs. “I feel like I’m completely at odds with my surroundings and will never fit in here regardless of how much I try to jump into activities and such”), and finally transferred, after only one semester at my former school. Transferring is a difficult process, but, in my case, it was entirely worth it. I love my new school because it’s the sort of atmosphere that really works for me. I think if you reflect on how you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way, you’ll know the answer as to whether or not transferring is worth it for you. Either way, I wish you the best. Remember: you don’t want to look back on your college experience and think “That should have been so much better than it was.”
Thressa, what kind of atmosphere was your old school like and what specifically did you not like about it? And what is your new school like and what do you like about it? And are your majors the same? I might be going through this next year, since I’ve been offered a transfer after freshman year of undergrad.
Rebecca- spot on. I think your advice is great. I couldn’t wait to get away from home and go to my “dream school”. I got there, and called home the first night hating it. I lasted one month then withdrew. There were circumstances that existed that maybe don’t exist here- really strict parents in high school that never let me go out so I never got used to staying up late. That made putting up with the partying kind of difficult and that was ultimately why I left. But I did not give it a chance to get better. I counted how many days left in the semester and decided I couldn’t deal with it. So I left, losing $$, time, and some dignity. I didn’t want to try and find some clubs/friends/activities, and because I was so miserable no one would have wanted to be around me anyway. I went home and attend a college close by, and although I get enough sleep now, I lost a lot of independence. That’s an important thing to develop in college. I say stick it out for at least the semester, then you can transfer cleanly if that’s what you choose. And if you decide to leave, do it for you, and don’t worry about what other people think. Everyone who matters will only want you to be happy, and if you are happy at a different school they will be glad rather than think you are codependent.
Good luck and hang in there. Regardless of which decision you make things will eventually work out.
I hear what she’s saying. Nothing worse than an aggressively perky campus for the perpetually non-perky. I’m not–I tend toward dry wit and borderline cynicism, and my undergrad/MA institution did its damnedest to cram school spirit down everyone’s throats.
Ignore it.
Be proud of your school, sure, but if party-perky-preppy person isn’t you, don’t be that. Instead, find what does suit you better; maybe you’re a volunteering sort, or you could join or start an obscure sport or activities club.
Sitting and moping about how this isn’t what you want is keeping you from turning it into what you DO want. Figure out what you want out of your four years there and go for it. And when you do, you’ll find other people like you who are thinking “Mary Jane, deliver me from perky!” It worked for me at my undergrad/MA university.
And if you’re thinking of throwing in the towel, wait until you’ve been there at least a semester (or a couple of quarters, or however your school does it). Homesick isn’t a great reason to cut and run, though. Heck, I was homesick like crazy when I first started here at my PhD program, but I’m working on it, I’m sticking it out. And I’m looking at 5-6 years here. You’re not that far from home, neither am I, and we can manage it. I promise–throw yourself into it, whatever “it” is that you find for yourself, and you’ll make it through.
I had a similar problem my first year at school. I didn’t like being away from home, family and friends. I stuck it out through the first two quarters, I even went home most weekends, but I ended up going home for the third, because even with the weekend trips I wasn’t dealing well with being at college by myself. The next year, I went back. But this time I rented an apartment, and I brought friends from my hometown to be my roommates. It made it a lot more bearable, and I’m enjoying myself immensely now.
Stick it out through a couple of quarters or a semester, and see if you really can’t stand it. You might find that new friends, and trying new activities, will make your school a much better place to be.
Frankly, I am with some people above me. You have been in school for a month and a half. Give it a chance! Have you talked to your roommate about curbing her Hannah Montana enthusiasm? Have you joined any clubs that would have like-minded people? (Not everyone at a school is super-spirited, despite how it appears. The most spirited just happen to be very LOUD.) Have you tried those weekend trips home mentioned earlier?
Now, I realize people transfer after freshman year, but give it a fighting chance before you go through the tedious process. At least that way, you’ll be 100% confident in your decision, have no regrets (it’s not like you wouldn’t have tried), and will know exactly what to look for in your new institution.
Life changes in college. Your comfort zone is going to be pushed against its limits, and you’ll be surrounded by things you never dreamed of being interested in. Take advantage of this, because you’ll never have opportunities like this again, and you may find you like more stuff than you thought.
I agree with the other comments on here. It sounds like she just started school and is just a bit homesick. I’d say give it time, find some people to hang out with and things may get better for you.
I know how she feels though. I currently go to a school that I’m not particularly fond of, and I’m trying to hang in there and finish because I’ve got one more year to go but I did manage to find a group of people to hang out with that makes things easier to deal with.
About the boyfriend, they do come and go alot and I’d say enjoy the time you have with him now. If your reasoning to be closer is to be near him you may or may not regret it in the long term. Also, if he’s going to school, it’s not a good idea to follow him to school! I had a friend that did that and they ended up breaking things off and she ended up having to transfer out.
As far as being close to family, my school is about an hour and a half away from where my parents live. It definitely came in handy when I had a bad experience with my apartment last year and needed the extra help. But you may find that, once you’ve been away from your parents for a stretch of time, you’ll like the fact that they aren’t close enough to just drive up whenever and surprise you. So as far as transferring out, I’d say give it a semester or two and try and settle in, join some clubs and whatnot. If you still don’t like it there, then you can think about other options.
I was in a very similar situation only a few weeks ago. I had choosen to attend a state school 3 hours from home. With my scholarships everything would be paid for and I would be recieving a few thousand back a year. I went up there and moved into my dorm and everything was fine. After being there a few days and going to all of my classes I realized that there was nothing significantly special about this school. I also realized that the school was not all it was cracked up to be. I was there with my bestfriend and some others I knew pretty well so I was not alone on campus. After classes one day, I went back to my dorm and all of a sudden the question of ‘Why am I here?’ hit me. I did not expect to be second guessing myself because it had always been my dream to leave home and go to a University. At that point I realized that I could be doing the same thing (going to school, etc.) but be closer to home; there is a college 25 miles away from my home and it has the same cost, student body size, same scholarships and degrees. Now, I also have a few things different about my situation that made me want to be closer to home; a few months ago my dad left, my mom had gotten a new job that is 40 miles away and my brother is still in high school. So naturally I felt some responsibility to be home and helping there. However, I did not let this alone affect my final desicion because I knew I had to decide where I would be happiest. After thinking long and hard, I decided I would be happiest being home and going to the University that is nearby. I know this seems like a very fast desicion to make but I knew if I stayed there I would not be happy and it would ruin my college experience. In the end, everything worked out and I got back home in time to start classes with everyone else. 🙂
I guess the point I’m trying to make is you have to trust your gut because only you know what is best for yourself. Also, remember that other people’s opinions dont matter and most likely no one will have anything negative to say about your descision.
All of the advice I’ve read so far sounds spot-on. I’ve been in this situation twice- once when I went to an exclusive high-school, and currently with the college I’m attending (and graduating from in May). Both times, I’ve tried to stick it out and prove to myself that I can “hack it,” and “adjust.” But, come graduation time, I was, and am, regretful of my decision (You’d think I’d have learned). Despite some success in creating social ties or improving my grades, both were short-lived. Everytime I looked into a transfer form, I’d think things are looking up and bound to get better, or I’d think I wouldn’t be accepted into the school, or I’d even think that I deserve to be in the situation I’m in . . . whatever excuse to deter me from following through. Sort of like Brooke, all of my friends go to the school I feel I should’ve attended, and I am WAY too close to home, and I don’t think it’s been conducive to my development as a person or even career-wise. I agree that a couple of months is a bit early to be making the decision to leave. But, if in a year or two, you find not much has changed, GET OUTTA DODGE.
I think you should transfer. I was in the same situation my freshman year of college, which was 2 years ago. And it was in september that I chose to apply to the other school that would be closer to family and my boyfriend (that I’m still with btw =) ). Anyways by the time I was sure of my decision to transfer, I had already been accepted to the other school, which enabled my process of transferring to go very smoothly. I am very happy at the school I am at now and think transferring was for the best. So I think you should @ least apply to the possible schools you want to go to so that when the year is up, you have options.
I know the feeling of not liking the school you are at or even, for that fact, the town/city it is. I know, because, I myself am currently going to school (despite it’s number one ranking for undergraduate architecture) and I hate it here. However, even after I figured out in my second year of college that I hate it here and even weighed the options of transferring, it all came down to finances. Going to the school I go to now, I get basically a full ride, minus architecture supplies and books, for simply being in a family that makes under the cap of 75,000. So, this cap is what helps me stay at this school…while other school I looked at didn’t really have this cap that guaranteed me a good financial package. Also, I have a number of sponsors and people who are supporting me from my home town. Since, I come from a area in Orlando that is predominantly black and on the lower income level, me being one of the first to get into an Ivy League since a few students back in the 70’s was a big event! So, I have all their support and belief in me–which I must say without it I would’ve transferred no doubt. But because of those supporters, sponsors, and even all my close friends that stay in Florida for school, believing in me and pushing me to stay here despite my trivial reasons for hating my current school, I am able to say that I am at peace with my decision of not deciding to transfer. I have learned that there’s more to come in my future 2 years that I have left in this 5-year architecture program that I would’ve missed out on if I didn’t stay. So, I would suggest just get through first semester. You will know by then or even after first year completely, whether or not you want to stay. I am on my third year now and though I have my issues with my school and my dislikes, I realized that my opportunities here are greater than if I stayed back home. So, I would weigh all the options. Do your research if you’re still feeling iffy about your school and make sure that you’re making the right choice. For me, I turned to family, friends, and supporters to give me the push to stay here–and I must say with my plans for the next two years, I am pretty sure that I made a good decision. Just know that college is not everything it’s cracked up to be, and that’s okay, you just have to accept that because life, in general, is the same way.
I sort of know what you’re dealing with. I got a full-ride acceptance to the school of my dreams, but I chickened out. It was 10 hours away from home, and my boyfriend of 3 years. So I enrolled in a school which I thought I could be very happy with. It had the perfect class sizes, me being a girl from a small town that was very important, and it was within commuting distance from home, about 1.5 hrs one-way.
Now, I am in my senior yr and wishing I had gone to the other school just because there is so much drama at my school. I don’t regret staying at thome, by boyfriend and I are now engaged, but I think that when I graduate in May I am going to talk him into moving so I can get my Master’s at the school of dreams.
All I can say is trust your gut. I did and I didn’t get everything I wanted, but I am getting an amazing education, and I’m going to be marying the man of my dreams. If you feel that you miss your family because they have always been there for you then maybe you should just go home for the weekend, if possible. If it’s the boyfriend thing, I would talk to him and see how he feels about it. If he begs and pleads with you to come home, and it makes you feel very uncomfortable and a little irritated, chances are you two will probably not make it even if you move closer to home. If it’s the roomate, that you can always get through. Talk with your dorm head and see what that person can do about switching your roomate. The campus thing though is a little bit tougher, you can’t just tell everyone to stop their actions. Obviously you’re not the partying type, so just avoid them. If people start bugging you just tell them to go away. Everyone can be adult about things, you just have to know how to manage. 🙂
Hope this helped a little…
don’t think about today what about when u came back to your family with good degree and they will broud to have gril like u.
aaaand your boyfriend there time u will know that nothing they will go.
I honestly don’t see the problem with your boyfriend being 4 or 5 hours away. My boyfriend and I are eight hours away and we still manage to see each other twice a month. But maybe we’re spoiled a bit because our relationship started out that way, and getting a bus route from Baltimore to Boston is ridiculously easy.
I may also be biased in thinking private school trumps public school. Clearly not all the time. But my decision was clear when I picked my current school in Boston over state school back home, and every time I hear about all the drama and annoyances of going to state school, I thank God I’m here and not there. Of course, I’ll be paying off loans until I’m dead, but the experience is worth the heft price tag.
BUT –
My freshman year was miserable here. I was far away from home, my friends were all within an hour or so of each other since almost all of them stayed home for college, and to top it all off, my godfather was shot and killed after some guy tried to rob his house. so I was far away from my friends and family, unable to grieve properly, and I hadn’t met the love of my life (my current boyfriend) at that time yet. I also had the crazy partying roomies who were best friends with each other and did everything together, and usually left me out. It wasn’t intentional, but I never really fit it with them and their friends anyway.
I’ve been at my uni two years now and I wouldn’t trade it for a world. I went from having no one to having tons of friends to hang out with and having an overall great experience. It really does get better. Take your mind off things, join a few student groups, you’ll definitely find people who are just like you or share your interests and it won’t be lonely anymore.
College is honestly what you make of it. Public or private university, you can find your niche if you really try. For some people its a lot easier to do that, but for others its much harder and takes a semester or two before you really start to like college and college life. Most of us get through it, and I think you will too.
Don’t transfer school because you hate it. I almost did. I only went to school for education and the fun as I was expecting. But it was too much effort and I didn’t feel comfortable at school.
If you withdraw from your current school, you MAY NOT be accepted when you decide to return.
i think you should not transfer out. First, you have not given your self and the new school more time. You should at least wait until the end of this fall semester before you make the decision to bail out. Second, do not give up just like that. Moving from one school to another school is not just hard but also waste of money and time. Be strong
As some of the other people have said, she needs to give her new school some more time. The first couple weeks are stressful given that it’s a whole new routine and everything might seem different from what you’re useful. If you had any sort of “frosh” or orientation week and/or Homecoming then the “ra-ra yay school spirit” thing may have been overwhelming and possibly not your thing. This does lessen and you’ll find that the majority of people aren’t those wildly crazy people.
Find campus clubs that are focused on your program or an activity you’re interested in and you’re more likely to find people to be friends with that are actually like you instead of people in residence who you’re probably just friends with because you’re forced to be close to and you haven’t met other people. This will help with any homesickness.
As for the boyfriend thing. Sure you miss him but being alone and independent from guys and family is something I see as an important step in your emotional development. I think it’s important to be comfortable with yourself by yourself and he is still there for support by phone or internet if you need him.
So my basic advice is to give your school more time, get involved in things that are interesting (this will also get you out of your dorm room and away from the crazy roommate if you can’t work out a switch), and if by end of term you’re still not happy then start applying for other schools for the next school year and hope that they will accept the transfer credits and not make you start first year over again.
Hey,
I’d say totally take the risk and move to somewhere that makes you feel comfortable. My friend hated her school just because of the atmosphere moved to one that was 1hr closer to home and she liked a lot better and her GPA increase an entire point. Remember not only is your emotions being affected but so are your grades and moving somewhere more comfortable may increase both and aren’t grades the number one thing were fighting for here?
A fellow Student.
Hey,
The situation that Mary Jane is in hits close to home as a another fellow student who hates her state college. For the past two years, I’ve been trying to avoid being on my campus for as much as possible. I decided to come here because my mom wanted me to. Ever since, I have regretted my decision. However, it is very inexpensive and has a very good program for my major. I also had a long distance boyfriend who is four and half hours away and wanted badly to transfer to his school. Not only was he there, it seemed like it had all the qualities I wanted in a school that my current school lacked. But, it was also out of state so it would be twice as expensive. However, we did end up breaking up and I am still here. So, whats the point of my story? I guess it depends on what is more important to you. You can graduate with little to no debt and not struggle for the rest of your life trying to pay off school debt and get a good job in a program that is strong at your school. Or you could go to a school which you love which is also important is college is a once in a lifetime thing. You are still a freshman and can transfer out with ease. The later it gets, the harder it is. Personally, I still want to be somewhere else but i guess sometimes you have to make personal sacrifices for your future. I hope this helps.
I think that the real question is WHY you’re in that school in the first place. Did you actually want to go there, or where you talked into it? I spent my first 2 years at my local state school for all the wrong reasons, and I hated every single second of it. Sure, I learned to accept it and be content there, but I wasn’t happy. I stayed because my parents wanted me to, because it was ridiculously cheap, because all my friends were there, because I was terrified of leaving by myself, because I didn’t want to leave my country, and because I was in love. As time passed none of those things mattered anymore. I was bored with my classes, the ambient was horrible, and I rarely saw my friends anymore. Then the school went on strike and that was the last straw. I transferred out in an impulse, to the school I had originally wanted to go to in the first place, and it was the BEST DECISION EVER. Sure, I went from paying less than $2,000 a year to almost $25,000 (out-of-state tuition is a bitch), but my program is much better here and I feel like I truly belong (the boyfriend is long gone–some things are more important than relationships). I guess that my situation is the opposite of yours, since you want to move closer to home and I wanted to move away, but think about it.
I guess that what I’m trying to say is don’t make your loved ones the reason why you stay or leave, because your relationships with these people change over time. Go to where YOU want to go, where YOU can be happy and get the college experience that you want. Finish the academic year, and maybe even the next one. If you still feel like you really want to transfer out, then do it. And even if it’s more expensive, it’ll be worth every penny if it’s what makes you happy.
I am an international student who has been three years away from my family for almost three years. I am in a small little town which is cold 9 months out of 12. I came from a continent with summer all year. I dint not recognize with the food and atmosphere when I came to Canada. It was hard to adapt and leave my ex boyfriend and family back home but its almost three years since I saw them. I am way more independent and I like where I am. You just have to find things you love about the place. Start from the little things and work your way up. You would be surprised how much you could make the university work for you!
I am an international student who has been three years away from my family for almost three years. I am in a small little town which is cold 9 months out of 12. I came from a continent with summer all year. I dint not recognize with the food and atmosphere when I came to Canada. It was hard to adapt and leave my ex boyfriend and family back home but its almost three years since I saw them. I am way more independent and I like where I am. You just have to find things you love about the place. Start from the little things and work your way up. You would be surprised how much you could make the university work for you!