What a weekend. In the midst of my family moving from one house to another and my son having a big birthday party, my wife was in a serious car accident in which her Explorer rolled three times. She was released from the hospital a day later without serious injuries, but it left us thinking more about the big things in life instead of the petty things.
And so when it was time to write my post here, I was immediately reminded of one of Counselor Buddy’s most recent tips that she’d sent me. As is Counselor Buddy’s usual M.O., it is: a) an extremely important and useful tip, and b) something you’ll rarely hear mentioned outside of this blow. You know, the reason you come here!
Make good decisions and treat others well, even if you think no one is watching. I know that sounds ridiculous but students never know who is behind a scholarship award decision.
Particularly with locally awarded scholarships, students often shoot themselves in the foot before they’ve even filled out the application because of how their personality and character has been observed by others over the years.
For locally given scholarships, there are minimum academic requirements for each scholarship, but personal attributes are going to be a factor when the judges either know you or know of you.
Now that is some solid advice right there, people. It’s the kind I really love to publish on this site — the real-life, judges-are-human-too sort of advice that never makes it into your little Peterson’s guides or Barron’s guides or Fastweb or wherever it is you’re looking for scholarships these days.
I think it speaks for itself, but let’s elaborate a little.
Counselor Buddy is way too professional to say it like this, but this is what it boils down to, if you want the best shot at getting local scholarships:
Don’t be an asshole.
Don’t be an asshole to your classmates, teachers, coaches, stray dogs, or random strangers.
Don’t be an asshole to the meek little freshman in the locker room who’s really praying you won’t initiate him, or to the girl you don’t know who’s crying in the hallway for reasons you don’t know, or to the poor kid whose family is so broke that he’s wearing torn-up garage sale clothes out of necessity.
Don’t be an asshole to the kid who’s incessantly trying to chat you up and be your friend even though you’re not interested, or to the kid who annoys you by thinking he’s just as good as you at some particular thing even though he’s not even close.
Please note C-Buddy’s statement about some how some “students shoot themselves in the foot before they even fill out the application.” Yeah. That means, depending on how big of an asshole you’ve been, your assholishness may actual cancel out all your academic and other qualifications!
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Is that in the instructions, rules, or judging criteria? Nope. Is it true anyway? Yep.
Now, none of this is necessarily easy. When I was a high school student, I was 50-50 on the above asshole litmus-test items at best, so if you can emerge from high school without the scarlet letter “A” for asshole stitched onto your bosom, then you’re a much better person than I was. So please, don’t read this as moral advice, because I don’t think I’d qualify to give you any moral advice — rather, look at it as practical advice:
The more adults to whom you display that you’re an asshole, the less likely you are to win scholarship money from them.
And being judged a “better person” can come in quite handy when it’s scholarship-judging time.
C-Buddy correctly emphasizes local scholarships above, because that’s when this advice matters most — when the judges are likely to know you personally. With local scholarships, also, there’s more congruity between the academic backgrounds of the applicants — everyone’s taken the same or very close to the same classes, been in the same clubs, teams, etc.
So what’s left to differentiate the winner from the losers when everyone looks the same on paper, and the judges know all of you to start with?
Character. Judges are human, and when all else is equal or virtually equal, most people like to reward people they know are nice, compassionate and appreciative, rather than — well, assholes.
—
And with that, I’ll sign off early today to go tackle the duties of boss, father AND mother while my wife recovers from her accident. And I promise you that, even if only for today, I will try to lead by example and NOT be an asshole to anyone today.
thank you for such wise counsel
we all need to be good to all and be available to serve others.
It’s good to hear that your wife is okay…. ‘
God Bless your family always…^_^
Very sound advice. What goes around comes around. Also happy that your wife is ok.
With that said, I think sometimes people are seen as “A-holes” even when they don’t mean to be. So I think it’s good to keep an open mind about why we shouldn’t react negatively towards jerks. Maybe it’s my major but I like to think about how someone who behaves inappropriately might have had a dysfunctional home, is overreacting because of some emotionally traumatic event, or maybe thinks, in some twisted way, that they’re doing what’s best for you when they come at you aggressively.
Generally speaking, a tired judge of a scholarships isn’t going to spend an extra moment seeing what some douchebag has written to redeem themselves after being what society deems as an awful person. Same thing with a supervisor or boss. What matters is the outside, not the inside, in most situations. “Don’t judge a book by its cover” is not everyone’s motto and so we must be aware of how we appear on the outside to other people.
Best Wishes Judge to you and your family.
Very sound advice. What goes around comes around. Also happy that your wife is ok.
With that said, I think sometimes people are seen as “A-holes” even when they don’t mean to be. So I think it’s good to keep an open mind about why we shouldn’t react negatively towards jerks. Maybe it’s my major but I like to think about how someone who behaves inappropriately might have had a dysfunctional home, is overreacting because of some emotionally traumatic event, or maybe thinks, in some twisted way, that they’re doing what’s best for you when they come at you aggressively.
Generally speaking, a tired judge of a scholarships isn’t going to spend an extra moment seeing what some douchebag has written to redeem themselves after being what society deems as an awful person. Same thing with a supervisor or boss. What matters is the outside, not the inside, in most situations. “Don’t judge a book by its cover” is not everyone’s motto and so we must be aware of how we appear on the outside to other people.
Best Wishes Judge to you and your family.
thats a really good advice but i can assure u that i dont hate on people ii rather help someone than bring dem down
Haha, This article is useless. You know why? You idiots CLAIM all this bullshit, but none of its true. You still give out all the scholarships to the assholes. How do I know? hahaha, because I got a bunch of scholarships local and not local through lies and fabrications. And you would probably call me an asshole. And a lot of my friends got scholarships the same way. Some of them were even bigger assholes than me. >.< Sucks for the nice honest people out there huh? Not my problem.
i really appreciation what it is writing. the fact is that one must try to helpful to others because one day everything can turn round.
Love your neighbors
I’m glad that your wife is going to be okay, and as always, excellent advice. It couldn’t be more timely either – the judges of one of my scholarship applications are my principal and my calculus and journalism teachers. They see the way I interact with those around me every day, and for something like this, your character can either make or break you.
I do agree with your advice because I myself experienced the same thing.
Thank you so much.
Best wishes for you and your family
N
I think its a great advise but im just wondering as to how would anyone of the judges who only have access to the application papers, find out about any of little troubles an applicant caused?
I’m glad your wife is doing well. I wish you & your family the best.
Hope your wife gets better.
Pretty sure I am not an asshole in HS–
I was kinda in my own world.
It’s all about karma — don’t forget it!
Your wife and family are in my prayers. Thank you for the great advice. As far as ‘Steve’ and his comment goes …. you are in my prayers, too. You will be accountable for your actions one day in some way.
I’d like to rephrase my comment:
Judge Josh: Your wife and family are in my prayers. Thank you for the great advice.
As far as ‘Steve’ and his comment goes … you are in my prayers, too. Everyone is accountable for our own actions and some day, in some way, we will be paid back for what we do or do not do.
Josh, you are right on the money (sorry about the bad pun).
My girls are both in college, one just finished her soph year and the other just finished freshman year. Each of them has built such an incredible reputation that their professors and advisors come to them with scholarship money, asking them to apply because they are the ones who know about departmental and other funding available.
Example #1 – The Academic Schizophrenic: My oldest is majoring in Econ and minoring in Finance at a mid-sized public university out of state. She continued her 8+ years in pre-college music with elective music courses freshman year. Her music prof suggested she consider adding a music performance minor for scholarship eligibility. She did and she was awarded $4000/year. This past semester, she took a Geology class to fulfill a requirement; the professor told her about a business/geology minor…another $5000/year. (She had enough AP credit that she can still complete the additional coursework in 4 years.) Don’t get me wrong – she works her butt off and has carried as many as 22 (hard core) hours in one semester – but she also landed a paid internship for this summer (it barely pays the gas but it’s something) and has a lead on a paid training program at a huge global firm for next summer.
Example #2 – The Service Junkie: Middle child walked into her freshman year at a ginormous public university out of state with $2000 in recognition of her high school contributions to the school and community. Sophomore year, thanks to recommendations from – get this – the dorm maintenance worker (!) and her floor RA, she applied for and was accepted as an RA with free room/board (private room) and $500/mth stipend. Again, don’t get me wrong – she works her butt off; has stellar grades; and her university is particularly generous for RA positions – but her focus is on involvement. She got involved in her dorm’s community life when she stepped in the door, just a natural continuation of her pre-college life. As a result, she literally havled college costs for next year (and hopefully beyond), even scoring a board position on the Resident Hall Association which has paid travel for conferences & so on.
My point is that they are totally different personalities with wildly different interests and perspectives. The oldest is all about the academics and driving for the degree whereas I didn’t even mention my second child’s major because it has no relevance (for the record, undecided, leaning toward business). What they have in common are impeccable reputations. People see high probability of success and are willing to give them a chance. The result is hugely, hugely reduced financial burden and simultaneously opened doors for their future careers, and they can still look at themselves in the mirror each day.
Moral of the long story: There will always be the Steves in the world but there are an awful lot of Bettys quietly making strides. Be the Betty. 🙂
Ford Explorers are not-so-affectionately called “Ford Exploders” by EMS personnel. She was lucky the vehicle didn’t burst into flames as well.
Wow, I’m glad to hear your wife is ok, I just lost two of mt friends in a car accident this week. Thank you for all the real-life advice – It’s hard to find people who will “tell it how it is” AND actually give useful advice.
Thanks again!
You know, judge josh, a person’s character would look a lot better if they wouldn’t use such vulgar language. However, you make a good point. Thanks for the advice.
As my mother say, “Don’t burn your bridges. You’ll surely have to cross them one day.”
-Prayers go out to you and your family. I kno your wife’s strength will be regained in no time:)
Hi Josh,
I’m really happy to hear that your wife is okay. Best wishes for you and your family.
Peace,
Shanta
Sorry to hear about the accident, Mr. Bosch. I hope the misses is fine and well, and the kids are okay.
I love the “don’t be an asshole” idea, but I think it needs some clarification. When most people think of asshole, they think of someone who is condescending, rude, annoying and so on. But just as many conflate “assholes” with stuck-ups which overlap in many instances, but not always. Just because someone likes to read books, likes classical or anything brainy is not the same as saying they’re jerks. They just have different interests than you, that’s all.
I bring this up because I hit many of the same categories listed above in HS. I was also a loner and extremely introverted–don’t get me wrong, I belonged to clubs but the relationships I had were purely mutual.
Unfortunately, to many people shyness is easily misinterpreted as being, well…not a nice guy or girl. Too often our culture have interpreted anything “smart” “brainy” or “intellectual”* as holier-than-thou, and if the person in question is introverted also, that reputation tends to carry a certain class/social stigma with it. I don’t know if that would be a problem with judges, but I could certainly see a scenario were a recommender or a character witness such as a classmate or teammate** could write down something like ‘So and so was okay, but…”
Now if you will forgive me, I’ll get off my soapbox now.
*Though “smart” (well, more like “look smart”) is in these days, the same idea probably still holds true.
**I’m pretty sure _some_ scholarships look into that stuff. They do do background checks, right?
Hi Josh
I am very happy to hear that your wife is okay may God who shelters us shelter your family now and forever amen
Hi
Thank goodness your wife doesn’t any really bad injuries, I read the article as well I hope she’s okay. Thanks for the article.
Isabetta
It’s good to hear that your wife is okay…. ‘
God Bless your family always…^_^
I am very happy to hear that your wife is okay
Best wishes for you and your family.