Happy Easter from the wind-swept plains of Western South Dakota! Where the usual surprise (not really) April blizzard hit us overnight, and is providing good cover for the Easter Bunny as he creeps nigh.
Wow, we got a ton of great responses on my hate mail post yesterday, and one of the best was from a lady named Terry Schultz. I’m editing out most of the stuff about hate-mail guy to focus on her individual problem, which is the focus of today’s post: Why am I (or my child) not winning any scholarships that I apply for? Terry writes:
My daughter had straight A’s in high school – top 4% in our County, (and is still making the Dean’s list at a top midwestern university), a high ACT score, a pt job and lots of extra-curriculars, yet no scholarship offer from any state schools…He seems to feel like he’s entitled to be given a scholarship just because he’s over 30 (?) and worked his ass off. Yeah, you and everybody else trying to get ahead in this world…
Only three sentences total, but a world full of sentiment that millions of parents experience every year (and I don’t think “millions” is an exaggeration here).
On the one hand, you hear messages all over the place telling you that there are “billions of dollars in scholarships available!” if only you’ll just find and apply for them, and that “millions go unclaimed every year.”
On the other hand, you’ve got a bright kid who works her ass off doing all the “right things” that she’s supposed to do (grades, job, extracurriculars) — and ends up getting what amounts to a big middle finger from the state schools who are supposed to be rewarding that kind of achievement with scholarship money and grants.
So what gives? Where’s the disconnect in all this?
|
|
Well, it’s a complicated issue, for sure, so keep your pants on while I ruminate. Seriously, I’m trying to be pensive and thoughtful here. 🙂
When I hear those sentiments, I can’t help but draw a comparison to those of us in the adult world who come to the same crossroads at some point in their professional lives. It’s some variation of this: “I went to college, I worked hard, I got a job, worked hard at that, did everything I was supposed to do…. and somehow I’m still broke and/or strapped and/or unfulfilled and/or unhappy. Why did this happen?”
And whether we’re talking about students getting scholarships or adults and their occupational crises, I don’t want to write it all off to the old adage of “life’s unfair.” Because even though that’s true, it’s also invoked way too often as a substitute for doing everything you can POSSIBLY do to make it happen for yourself — whatever “it” may be.
OK, so we’re setting aside the “life’s unfair” argument for now and we’re going to examine why exactly it is that you can do everything you’re “supposed” to do and still get stiffed by The Man. And while every situation is individual and different, there’s one answer that I think is most generically applicable:
Some people market and sell themselves better than others. You must get better at selling and marketing yourself.
I think that’s the core issue here with Terry and the millions of other students and parents. Let me explain what I mean as concisely as I can (but probably not that concisely, since I tend to write a lot).
There’s a perception, especially as a student with fewer years and experience under your belt, that the world is just going to automatically notice, appreciate, and assign value to the things you’ve accomplished. That goes for grades, test scores, extracurriculars, etc. And while a relative handful may get lucky and “get noticed,” it simply doesn’t happen for the majority of students. You can’t “sit back on your heels,” so to speak, and hope to get discovered.
No one tells you this when you’re younger. This is a knowledge gap I’m trying to fill with this site.
And I know you’re now thinking, “but what else am I supposed to do except fill out the application and wait?” I know — that’s all you can do. What I refer to in this case, though, is HOW you fill out the application and essay; the words you use to describe yourself and what you’ve done. That’s really what every single article on this site is about, but let me point you to a couple in particular that explain some specifics about how you can do this:
- Show some industry.
- Don’t be afraid to admit your past shortcomings and explain how you turned things around.
- Be specific about how your future plans will benefit others.
- Don’t forget your family.
- Committees like stories of overcoming adversity.
Understand this ugly truth: College applications, scholarship applications, and after college is over, resumes — these things are sales letters. Pitches. Elevator speeches. They’re nothing more than your best effort to sell yourself to someone else. If you’re one of these people (like me) who thinks, “God, I’d hate to be a salesperson, I HATE trying to sell things to people” — well, you’re out of luck in this department. You’re gonna have to give it your best shot anyway!
And your sales efforts can’t be meek, even if your credentials are outstanding. Why? Because the next 10 or 12 guys in line aren’t going to be so meek. They’ll be aggressive self-promoters who grab the judges’ attention and steal it away from you — and they’ll take that scholarhip every time. And they’ll go to college for free, graduate with no debt, probably grab a great job and great salary and have no student loan debt (because they got that big scholarship).
(If you’re a parent reading this, you can probably think of a handful of examples of how this has happened in your workplace; a guy with equal or lesser qualifications than his peers who gets fast-tracked nonetheless because he’s a confident self-promoter).
It’s the same with scholarships. It’s the same everywhere, really. Pure meritocracies are rare.
So, does that mean you have to be an obnoxious, slam-my-foot-in-the-door vacuum salesman type to win a scholarship? Call the committee six times a day and ask to come in for a personal audition? No. But it does mean that you have to seize every opportunity — and in a scholarship situation, this is usually done on paper, in your application and essay — to show leadership, confidence, and potency to those who are going to decide your fate.
I’ve got an idea. Does anyone out there in Internet-land want to submit a scholarship essay and have me break it down, identify problems, help fix/rewrite them, then polish it up — all right here in public, on the blog? Theory is all well and good, but everyone who visits the site will be served by a hands-on example. Anyone out there up to the challenge?
I am a guy who loves transparency, so I’d prefer someone who’s not afraid to share their last name and identity, but who knows, I may not find anyone like that. So even if you don’t want your identity revealed and you want to throw your essay in the ring, email me.
OK, I’m off to sneak some Cadbury eggs out of my wife’s dresser drawer and down here into my office. There’s a multi-toddler playdate going on upstairs. I’ll need the sugar rush this afternoon because I’m building a website for my cousin Tim Malson, who does incredible masonry, brickwork, stonework, and all that kinda stuff, in Tennessee and Kentucky. Just in case you need some of that sorta thing done. 🙂
Happy Easter!
All the best,
“Judge Josh” Barsch
For me, two of those five suggestions contradict each other; I cannot mention overcoming adversity without negatively talking about my family. This is not typical teenage angst. My situation is extreme enough that my university granted me a dependency override. I still have to earn more than $9000 in scholarships for my Fall/Winter semester. I am starting in the summer, however, and do not have anything to pay for it. In addition, I will have no money for food or housing, and my parents are dropping me from their health insurance.
As for transparency, I have judged scholarship competitions myself and gives tips to friends and strangers alike. That being said, I have no problem with having a Samantha Kelley original being broken down and polished up.
”
My family never had the money for extravagant summer vacations. With my siblings and me home there was an added burden on the finances. To help ease this burden, I would spend the majority of the summer at my grandmother?s farm. After taking care of the animals and cleaning up the house, my cousins and I would play school.
It was a fair trade off; my cousins were able to boss me around, and I could learn concepts before the rest of my class. The summer after second grade, my grandfather taught me how to multiply. That same year, I became fascinated and talented in the gift of reading.
Opening a book takes readers on a journey to a world different from their own. This phenomenon brings me great awe. Every time I overhear heated discussions on the family?s finances, I avert my eyes upon fictitious tales of glory. While my peers are at amusements parks and on cruises, I am making bi-weekly trips to my local library.
After awhile, I grew sick of fiction, maneuvering myself to carry home dozens of nonfiction books a week. This consent supply of fresh facts fueled my passion for knowledge and made me realize things around me I had previously ignored.
In the summer, I volunteer extensively. I compile award information as the scholarship director at my school. Most of the research for this is done during the summer months. Last summer, I researched solar thermal electric modules for Minnesota based Energy Users’ Association, which allowed them to incorporate solar energy into their building.
Grades ignore the knowledge gained from leisure. They do not acknowledge passion and perseverance. They disregard lessons learned in volunteer work. I am more than a grade, as I work to learn, not to boost a transcript.
“
By the way, the essay prompt for that scholarship contest was to prove that I was more than a test score and why grades did not paint the whole picture of an applicant.
Haha, I love the bonus “sales-pitch” in the last line! There’s a lot of truth to this article, and it definitely applies to more than just scholarship essays- job interviews, cover letters, even just in day-to-day interactions to a certain extent (think about it, whenever you meet someone new, it’s almost like a sales pitch in getting them to realize you’re an interesting person they would actually want to know!)
I would love to submit a few of the essays I have written for you to dissect. I can take criticism. I haven’t written and “all purpose” essay, however I have essays that are for specific applications, career statements, community service statements, and an application for a research job which I earned. Which would you prefer?
Josh: I?d love to throw one in the ring with you. I have submitted variations of this essay for several scholarships and always get no response. I feel it is a good piece, but would love some advice on how to make it better? all out in the open!
*** correction, please delete previous two ***
I will submit a scholarship essay for you to slice to pieces. I’ve been rejected for 84 scholarships so far (that’s right – 84!) and I’d love a chance to see how I can strengthen my application. Let me know if you need it.
Where are the scholarships for the parents who’s trying to go back to school? All I have seen are scholarships for high school age young adults.
I would love to have you read some scholarship essays i have written. Criticism and any changes you feel are necessary are more than welcome. I have applied for so many scholarships like many others, and havent heard a single word back and it’s vvery discouraging. So please let me know if you would like to receive one and I will send it
I will submit a scholarship essay too. . I been turn down more than a hundred time but I will never give up try to get scholarships, my goal and dream are important to me..I love to improve my application.Writing is not my strong point.
Historically Black Colleges and Universities.
22 ACT 3.5 high school GPA gets a full ride (housing/food too, 16 credit hours, and books included) for incoming freshman at Langston University.
The money is there, it just may not be at a school that you’ve looked at.
Sure I’d love to submit a few!
How will this scholarship help you achieve your educational and career goals?
Chemistry is my passion. It is the only course I could work on for hours and not get a piercing headache, unlike most of my other classes. While I knew I wanted to be in the Health Professions, I also knew that being a doctor was not my calling. This is primarily due to my lack of interest in the human anatomy. I sought help from my high school Chemistry teacher who, due to my evident love for Chemistry, suggested an alternative. That is how I was introduced to Pharmacy. Not only does Pharmacy involve a lot of Chemistry, but it fits my personality as well. I consider myself a people person; however, I’d rather be alone at times. In Pharmacy, there is a pleasant mix of the two scenarios. I can also fulfill both my passions in life, Chemistry and serving people, and the community in general.
So with Pharmacy as my end goal, I set up a plan of action. I modeled my high school schedule rigorously to prepare myself for the extensive courses Pharmacy students have to face. I took Advanced Placement Chemistry my senior year while my friends relaxed, claiming the “Senioritis” infection. I even took classes like Advanced Placement Government and Advanced Placement Literature, which had nothing to do with Pharmacy, to be somewhat well-rounded. My hard work awarded me with a nice GPA at the end of the year, which, among other things, helped me get into the University of Houston.
Once the hurdle of admission into the university was overcome, the next issue on my mind was the cost of tuition and fees. I don’t claim to come from a rich family, but I like to think we are well-off. This led me to assume that paying my way through college was not a problem. I thought my parents could afford to see me through my three years of Pre-Pharmacy after which I would find work as a Pharmacy Technician as I attended Pharmacy school. Unfortunately, I thought wrong. To my dismay, my parents and I weren’t thinking the same things. They wanted me to get a job to assist them with the costs. They even wanted me to commute in order to save money on room and board. It took me by surprise but I understood. I knew I had to do everything I could to help if I wanted to attend college at all. So, I changed my plan. I am now on a rigorous course plan to reduce the amount of time required to finish the Pre-Pharmacy program from three to two years. I currently work as a Mailroom clerk and Desk Assistant at the Quadrangles at UH, and I recently applied for the Residential Assistant position. With the job, I can live on campus for free, so my parents wouldn’t have to worry about room and board.
The question as to how this scholarship will help me achieve my educational and career goals is a rather simple one to answer. In short, my educational costs are well beyond my parents’ means, and the $500 Scholarship will help reduce my future debt load. I am still a freshman, with five more years of college to go and three other siblings my parents have to take care of, one of which will be attending college in the fall of 2010. My parents and I have eked out just enough money for my education at this point, and this gives me some peace of mind. Nevertheless, Pharmacy school is expensive, like any other professional school, and my thoughts cannot help but return to the huge debts I will incur during the course of my educational career.
As far as paying off what will almost surely be a debt of at least $50000, scholarships and bursaries such as this one will be of great help in reducing that debt and my future task of paying it off. Every $500 of debt I avoid is $500 plus interest I won’t have to pay back later, a piece of logic I would be foolish to ignore.
Sam Kelly, I would deny your scholarship application based on this sentence alone: “This consent supply of fresh facts fueled my passion for knowledge and made me realize things around me I had previously ignored.”
I’m 29 years old and back to school to get my first degree. As a consequence, I am surrounded by 18-24 year old students and I am constantly surprised by the crushing effect that text messaging and spell-check has had on writing skills. I still remember my high school teachers badgering me about not trusting spell-check because it only checks spelling, not usage.
The point is – proof read! Don’t just do it yourself – have other people proof read for you. You know what it’s supposed to say, so you’re more likely to glance over a very slight error like the one in the quote above.
As far as what text messaging has to do with this. It forces us into a “140 characters or less” mindset. How many -complete- and -interesting- concepts do you really think you can communicate in 140 characters? If we constantly think in this mindset, how many complete and interesting ideas are we training ourselves to convey in our regular lives?
You touch on several ideas in this essay, but never quite get to why they matter. It doesn’t sound like your families hardships were that bad, it sounds like you had issues and figured out ways to cope with them. Be careful in playing the sympathy card (which is what you’re doing in this essay) when the reality is that there may be a hundred other essays with sob-stories that are way more legitimate – at least sounding – than yours.
The essay also doesn’t really get to the point of the prompt. How is this proving that you are more than your scores? It actually makes it sound like studying is your number 1 favorite thing. Saying that every time you overheard heated arguments about finances, you averted your eyes(this is awkward grammar, btw) to fictitious tales of glory and then at the very beginning of the very next paragraph say that you “grew sick of fiction” makes it sound like this mental picture you were beginning to paint was really not that big of a deal after all.
My suggestion here is to be more specific. Rather than trying to tell your life story in 1000 words or less, pick some specific aspect of your life that you are passionate about, or that you had to overcome. Make the reader feel what you felt. Let them get to know you through some specific part of your life, rather than just presenting a fact list about yourself.
Good luck!
I think Judge Josh is supposed to do the critique, not we critique each other.
I concur with Loretta. Where are the applications for adults who would like to return to college?
Another thing, is it a new thing for question mark to be used for apostrophe?
I am with Loretta, Where are the scholarships for us older people who have spent their lives giving of ourselves to raise a family and now find ourselvs out and with nothing. Just trying to get some sort of an education with no funds in order to be productive citizens that are not dependant on the “system”. I especially am fearful of being on the system now. 🙁 All that hard work and dedication went out the door as soon as they turn 24 and darn if the brats didnt even offer to pay for my college!
This was my essay to be accepted into Madonna University…
“Standing in front of a large crowd that carefully watches my every move, I am extremely nervous. I do not want to make a mistake. I cannot let nervousness stand in the way of my interpreting. Looking out into the crowd, I see a 5 year old trying to mimic my hands, and I smile. As a ‘non-certified interpreter’ for the deaf, I go to another world when I sign. While I sign, beautiful notes gently flow from my lips and hands as I sing with the choir. I wish the song we were singing was one of the multiple original songs that I have written, but it was not to be on this night. It has been an honor to be asked to volunteer my time to interpret for my high school, my church and various other celebrations in my community.
I love to communicate using American Sign Language to help the deaf. I love singing, writing poems and composing music. Expressing myself through writing, signing and singing comes so natural to me. I also love helping people. Everyone can use a shoulder to cry on or a friend to talk to. My time is one of the greatest gifts I can offer someone else. I love to do anything to help others.
I enjoy praising God in all I do. He is everything to me and I wish to follow His will. I am trying to follow His will by discerning religious life. I currently am an Inquirer with the Felician Franciscan Sisters and will soon be a Candidate. I am looking forward to serving others and doing His work here on earth. The Felician Franciscan charism is one that fits me like a glove. During all four years of high school, I have focused on pastoral ministry. I joined the pastoral team my freshman year. I was chosen as one of the core members during my last three years. It was a great honor to have been chosen to lead my school in a religious capacity. I was also approached by a teacher to help her lead a club called “J-JAM” which stands for Jesus, Joseph and Mary. While leading my fellow classmates, I have been able to take part in events like traveling to Washington DC to a prolife rally three years in a row. I was able to help take part in a homeless experience to understand what it was like to spend the night in a box. I was also presented with the Deacon’s Award my freshman year for outstanding service.
My goal is to live on the Madonna campus and study American Sign Language and Pastoral Ministry. While attending Madonna, I will be interacting with the Sisters to prepare for my eventual final vows as a Felician Franciscan Sister. I have been assigned to work the switchboard at the convent during my time at Madonna University.
Madonna University offers the classes I need to reach my goal as an interpreter for the deaf and a pastoral minister. It also offers me the opportunity to live near the convent to begin my journey in religious life. I am anxious to be accepted into your college and I am sure it will be a positive and life changing experience.”
As a [arent of a student attending a Stateschool I Florida, I can honestly say I am frustrated with the scholarship system. I filed my daughters FAFSA and our EFC was 4782. I want to know where am I supposed to get this money. I have been unemployed for three years,my mother who is 87 is now living with us, and even after all the grants and her BFS scholarship,I still dont know where the balance of this is coming from. Any informatio would be helpful. My daughter has a SLD but sometimes it seems that works against her.
*Note: my essay was for a Native Hawaiian foundation, the Hawaiian terms used are common knowledge for this particular audience.
I have not received word whether or not this is a winning essay, but looking back on it know I a few areas that look like they may or may not be typos. (Do we capitalize “Master’s” degree and “Doctorate”? I need to look that up again!) I also suspect the essay jumps around a bit and considerably between paragraph 12 and 13 –simply because of the reference to my volunteer work that seems like a tangent although it was relevant to the point I was trying to make. This essay had no word limit and a lot of questions to answer (life goals, personal obstacles, identity as a Native Hawaiian). I thought it was a good one but always want to learn how to do better. Let me know what you think Josh. 😉
Thanks,
Kai
As a young Hawaiian boy is getting ready for his music therapy session, I watch him and try to guide him to choose an instrument. I hold out the rattle he played with before, as he reaches for and picks up geometric blocks instead to play. I ask him to come inside the classroom and pick something to play, and tell him ?that block is good. But we?re in music! Which one is for music?? I hold out the shaker. The young boy looks at me and slowly takes the wooden block, and rhythmically taps the tool on the hard desk. In this wordless action, I realize the truth that I too believe, that nearly anything can be a tool for expression. I can?t help but smile, because I know one of the largest reasons I love my work is that I am given opportunities not only to nurture and teach students, but to learn from them as well.
I volunteer with Sounding Joy Music Therapy program, an organization where nationally certified music therapists service the community by providing therapeutic services to youth and persons with disabilities, using specialized tools and training in psychological theories and research and musical improvisation. I began in November, and plan to continue with them though our current 6-month session groups on the Big Island. We meet weekly, and my shifts range between 3-8 hours. The time passes quickly, because the work we do is so enjoyable.
Inspiring others to use their creativity as a tool for life is an important mission I am dedicated to supporting. In my daily life, from painting murals with my nieces and nephews to co-leading a classroom full of children with ukuleles, kahulu feather rattles and drums, I have always found deep joy and satisfaction supporting the creative growth of others. This is why I hope to one day to operate a healing arts center, with licensed therapists in alternative forms of therapy, such as dance, play, wilderness and music.
I plan to call the center, ?Kealohapau?ole Center for Healing Arts? after my ancestor, Lili?ikalani Kealohapau?ole. Many of the members of my Hawaiian family were dedicated musicians and artists throughout life, and the meaning of the name Kealohapau?ole is the love that never ends. I frequently use this name as a reminder of who I am, who we are as a people, and what our goals are on this Earth. I believe that while music and art pave the way to ones life experience, love and attitude may be the most important medicine in curing people who are ill, and may be the most necessary ingredient in the development of our children. By naming the center after this important practice, and by living my own life with such a thought in mind, I believe I will be a more effective counselor, teacher and community member to people in need.
The center I envision will provide the community with an array of different forms of expression to choose from, from dance and Hawaiian crafts, to gardening and music making. I plan to hire specialists in creative psychotherapies and other knowledgeable members of my community, to bring together a group that may support and encourage diverse communities of people. For my own educational pursuits, I plan to receive certification in both fields of art and music therapy because these are my greatest strengths and because art and music making is part of my own daily process.
I have not been without obstacles in pursuing my degree program and realizing my career path and future. As a Native Hawaiian, it has been difficult to find identity in a growing and changing, modern and multi-cultural community. I am grateful for my educational experience at Kamehameha not only for the assistance with career and academia, but because of the foundation for Hawaiian culture the education has set. As a hapa person born on the mainland, I have often felt out of place and disconnected from my culture, I have lived in Hawai?i for the second half of my life, and in this half feel I have truly discovered more of who I am by knowing my ancestors and living family members. When I reflect on my experiences here in the last ten years, working with the Makali?i and Hokule?a sailing ships in high school, participating in programs for exploration in nature and fostering a knowledge of Hawaiian spirituality, la?au lapaau and olelo has become immensely important to me. Kamehameha has given me a foundation and community supporting Hawaiian culture, where our family has sometimes felt disconnected from these roots of understanding.
I feel the emphasis from Western culture to certify practitioners and standardize levels of human development has benefits and also many drawbacks. As a person partially reared on the mainland, I do not take for granted that my comfort in Western culture at times makes it easier to sit politely in a classroom with a square desk instead of the traditional way of learning outside and by experience and observation. I have always intended to pursue college education since childhood, and also took for granted that this desire was normal in my community. From my family?s perspective, young adults have little other choice in seeking meaningful and stable future careers, and the University has always been a symbol of wisdom and knowledge to me, which I have often admired.
I chose to attend school close to home due to financial reasons, although I wish to travel the globe as our late Ali?i had for similar reasons, to learn about world cultures and to gain wisdom from the cultures of other countries to bring back to my own home. I also hope to visit and appreciate the countries of my other ancestors. This year, I was accepted into UH Hilo ?s global exchange program, and will be visiting Australia for two semesters to study music, psychology, art and aboriginal culture before graduation. Following graduation next year, I plan to continue on to receive an M.A. in art or music therapy, and perhaps a Doctorate in psychology. I have recently put fourth my degree program proposal, which has been catered toward the requirements for graduate school programs at Naropa University and NYU.
Although I have always intended to continue my education, seeing it as a necessary part of my development into adulthood, I experienced obstacles in my sophomore year of college which almost left me far off the pathway I pursue now. I was forced to overcome many difficult decisions and experiences, including drug addiction, homelessness, and domestic violence. My experience with these difficulties happened while being away from home in a larger city. Part of my experience was just an aspect of experiencing and experimenting with life as a new adult, however the violence I experienced nearly left me out of school during my Fall semester at Manoa, and I feel very relieved and proud today be drug free, to value my home and the food that is provided on our tables and to value the peacefulness of my current relationships.
I feel that the difficult situation I overcame as a student at UH Manoa was in many ways a demonstration of my determined nature. I came home for Christmas break thin, worn with bruises on my body from my then partner, and came to UH Hilo to make a necessary change. I was accepted with open arms, supported again by my family and was helped by many amazing administrative individuals who valued my being at the University and who believed I could continue without trouble. I nearly quit school during this time but I also realized that it was school that had kept me safe and focused on what really mattered even in the hardest of times. When I became homeless, I continued to attend classes daily, and it was my education and goals for the future that became more important than the unhealthy relationship I had fostered that year.
Today I continue a healing process though writing, art, music, and science and have found that by mending and designing my own life and believing in the changes I desired to make, I am a great advocate for others who are also learning and have important goals for their future. I believe my ability to use art as a vehicle to expression has made my life worth living, and has given me the tools to continue on despite the obstacles many of us face.
I believe the creative arts center I hope to one-day work in will be of huge benefit to the Hawaiian community because our culture is hands-on and experience oriented. As I continue my study of psychology and the helping professions I see that methods such as ?talk-therapy? used by practitioners like Sigmund Freud often do not apply to people of diverse backgrounds. For example, at Sounding Joy we often service clients with Alzheimer?s disease and Autism; both conditions often leave individuals without the ability to speak. Through music, art, and dance I feel we may give voice to those who do not thrive in a traditional counselor-therapy setting.
Native Hawaiian people have struggled and survived, like many colonized peoples, though uproarious situations in our recent history. The ancestors of Hawaiians today had been robbed of the land to they once survived on, and many Hawaiians continue to feel displaced and disrespected as a nation by other political powers. These huge historical and political events have a very personal and direct effect on our families and individual members of our communities who cannot yet thrive in a culture that has forced its way in and has also become an integral part of our upbringing. The Hawaiian students I work with often have trouble with fights, drug abuse, staying in school and finding meaning in a work force that is often meaningless to our spiritual beliefs and cultural knowing. Hawaiian people suffer perhaps more than any other racial group in Hawai?i . Here on the Big Island, we are forced into awkward office setting jobs that seem completely removed from nature, meanwhile, our state has become increasingly dependent on mainland industry and our lifestyles remain vastly wasteful and unsustainable in comparison to ancient traditions. I feel this sense of misbalance is the greatest problem we have in Hawai?i .
I believe our greatest issue as a nation is the lack of importance we put on other professions that may become more valuable to our society, such as the arts, sciences, and sustainable agricultural industries which will be fuel for the livelihoods of our future. Today, public school systems put huge emphasis on math, science and language arts, and frequently cut programs for children in art, music and physical education. I believe the work that I do will help people of native ancestry to realize their true and important place in the world as stewards of the earth and integral parts of family-based communities. Hawaiian people today are multi-cultural and modern people, we cannot go back to the past, but we can recognize how our ancestors? wisdom has preserved the land for us today, and we can honor this by continuing to do so for the future. This is why I have chosen my career path as an artist, musician, and advocate for serving our local and global native communities. I believe fostering creative expression, and skills such as gardening and physical activity are most effective tools to thrive in this lifetime and will create a healthier, more balanced society over time.
In conclusion, I believe my academic and career goals are in alignment with the mission of Princess Bernice Pauahi Bishop, in that I continue to do the best to live with integrity and empathy for others and to do all that is in my power to thrive and be assiduous within my community. I plan to continue on to graduate school and to become a licensed therapist to assist others in finding their own true forms of expression. I believe that by participating in the arts, physical motion and communion with nature, many people will have greater self-knowledge and skills to create the lives they were meant to live, thus supporting a healthier society and world overall. With my education and certification I plan to return home to Hawai?i to share my knowledge and to give back to my community in the best way that I know: inspiring freedom of expression and exploration.
Please email me feedback, thank you!
My interest in renewable energy did not emerge abruptly; it took years of traveling on twisted and gruesome pathways before I came upon its doors. The first rock I stumbled upon was literally a rock-like substance called asbestos. This cancer-causing substance was exposed when a rainstorm severely damaged my parents? business. Required by law, our business was shut down and my family had to suffer years of unstable income. What was so dangerous about this rocklike thing, I wanted to know, that forced our family to be under its mercy? How could a rock cause my parents so much agony? As a 6th grader at that time, I found it hard to comprehend. This is, nevertheless, when I first became intrigued by the wonders of science.
The years have passed, and I have come closer to the fork in the road where I will have to decide what to do with my future. After my little encounter with asbestos, I was quite captivated by science, so I knew I wanted to go into the scientific field. I was especially interested in the environment and computers, but what exactly could I do with that? My AP Environmental Science class provided me with an excellent answer. One day we started to learn about renewable energy sources and how great the necessity of shifting to one is. Everything seemed to just click during the glittering powerpoint lectures on renewable energy. My teacher also told us that solar energy, one of the prospective renewable energy sources, was being implemented in our very valley. The valley I live in is a desert region, with temperatures going up to 120 degrees Fahrenheit in the summer. It would be the perfect place for trapping solar energy. What better economic opportunity for our tiny valley! Speaking of fortunate events, I also came across a summer program at the University of Southern California regarding this very topic. At this program, I met professors and students currently involved in research and development of renewable energy who told us the endless opportunities in the energy field. ?It is a complete new door to science,? one of the professors mentioned. It is a door I believe made for our generation to pry open and solve the mysteries that lay beyond. Fittingly, our school this year adopted an integrated science curriculum regarding alternative energy sources. I excitedly signed up for this class, and am now daily learning about this topic. Renewable energy is a fairly new concept, so I find it exciting that I could be one of the innovators of the way humans have lived for centuries. It?s like being part of the railroad industry back in the 19th century, which revolutionized the way humans had commuted for centuries. This is what I want to do, and my little stumbles during my path of life has brought me here to my first major decision point in my life. I have chosen the path to renewable energy.
I would like to submit an essay for your expert insight. I never had any real guidance on how to navigate the collegiate system. I am learning through trial and error and do not wish that to be the legacy I pass to my children. I would like to be able to inform, assist, and guide them with purpose, instead of haphazard good intentions.
Thank you for finally addressing this issue. I have a 4.0 with sports and clubs and pt jobs and all that jazz and have been ignored many times. I hate the idea of giving a sales pitch because it makes me think that I will have to stretch the truth/lie. But I have filled out so many scholarships that I wonder if i would have gotten better results if I just threw them all in the trash. I get so overwhelmed by the idea that there are hundreds of other applicants with much better essays than mine and I’ve pretty much just given up. I guess I have to learn how to lie….
Here some of mine I wrote for the Dale E. Fridell scholarship.
START
QUESTION: How will a StraightForward Media Dale E. Fridell Scholarship help you meet your educational and professional goals?
My aspirations are to work in the medical field, and to pursue this I need to find the funding for my education. Education is essential to for me to meet my personal goals. Professionals have a higher income potential, and with that potential comes a greater opportunity to influence change for good. The Dale E. Fridell scholarship would provide the means for me to not have to work during school, that I may have more time to take care of my needs, help others, and give service in my community.
When I am a healthcare provider, the patients in my care will receive results. My number one priority will be that they can see and feel a difference in their personal well-being. Receiving as much education as I can will open the possibilities of what I?ll offer. I want to be trained in Western medicine, Asian medicine, and various other types of medical and alternative methods. I plan on receiving multiple doctorates, so I can funnel my knowledge into services for the clients, with the authority to back it up.
I serve weekly at the local chapter of a worldwide institution that promotes learning and service to others. Working a part-time job to cover my living expenses cuts into the time I?m able to provide them with my help. When I am in school, I?m looking to fund my needs through scholarships. If I don?t have to work I?ll be able to spend some more time aiding there.
END
I think the ending needs a bit of tweaking most, but to heck with it, I’d love your advice.
Here’s number two for Dale E. Fridell
START
Why is the completion of a postsecondary program important to you, and what do you hope to achieve once you get a degree?
Post-secondary education is a doorway to knowledge and skills. Knowledge is power, and having the power to help others is one of life?s most fulfilling achievements. With appropriate skills I would have the ability to provide for myself and my family. Plus, I?d have the needed capacity to affect a larger circle of individuals in his or her progression.
Becoming a health professional is an aspiration of mine. I want to learn to be a doctor with education and strengths in varying fields. Then I can better provide for my patients? needs. I?ll be dedicated to giving each person results, and will use whatever medical care I have at my disposal in performing my duties.
Family is important to me. I?ve always wanted to have a large family. Children are very dear and special and I will welcome as many as I can to a stable home. I don?t want to wait to start a family until I?m in my thirties with my prime years behind me, because I want to give the best of myself to them. In order to do this I need to be able to provide for them while I?m in school. Having a scholarship would not only help me get into school to further my career so I can provide for them in the future, but also so I can provide for them now.
I also want to use my health education to volunteer as a coach for young men. When I was a teenager, a youth leader in my community taught me how to have respect for my body. He saw potential in me that I didn?t see in myself. During weekly hikes together he encouraged me to learn and grow. I was able to lose 60 pounds to achieve a weight of 170 pounds. I gained a higher respect for myself and my body. He didn?t tell me I needed to lose weight, but the example of his good health and influence taught more than words. I want to help other young men learn to achieve their goals and gain control over their bodies. It would be very rewarding for me to teach them to take care of their bodies as I learned to condition mine from my mentor.
It?s vital to me that I receive an education. With it I can bless the lives of family and those I meet, and so fulfill mine. The idea of learning gives me a goal that helps me to get up every day with purpose. Obtaining this scholarship would be an important aid in my search for greater knowledge, skills, and independence through the channel of post-secondary education.
END
Hope you like! Please be brutal with your critiques. I want them to be nigh perfect(best foot forward and all that) before I turn them in.
Thanks,
Cameron
Hey Josh! I saw your challenge, and I’ve written a couple of essays for your Dale E. Fridell scholarship. I’ve gone to a local employment services office and worked with their scholarship specialists for weeks to get this up to par the best I feel I can. I’ve never applied for a scholarship before and I feel a bit intimidated by all the competition. My goal was to concisely express myself and answer the question, and then I worked on putting a bit of personality and flair in it from my hopes and dreams. Hope they come over well
Essay 1:
Question: Why is the completion of a postsecondary program important to you, and what do you hope to achieve once you get a degree?
Post-secondary education is a doorway to knowledge and skills. Knowledge is power, and having the power to help others is one of life?s most fulfilling achievements. With appropriate skills I would have the ability to provide for myself and my family. Plus, I?d have the needed capacity to affect a larger circle of individuals in his or her progression.
Becoming a health professional is an aspiration of mine. I want to learn to be a doctor with education and strengths in varying fields. Then I can better provide for my patients? needs. I?ll be dedicated to giving each person results, and will use whatever medical care I have at my disposal in performing my duties.
Family is important to me. I?ve always wanted to have a large family. Children are very dear and special and I will welcome as many as I can to a stable home. I don?t want to wait to start a family until I?m in my thirties with my prime years behind me, because I want to give the best of myself to them. In order to do this I need to be able to provide for them while I?m in school. Having a scholarship would not only help me get into school to further my career so I can provide for them in the future, but also so I can provide for them now.
I also want to use my health education to volunteer as a coach for young men. When I was a teenager, a youth leader in my community taught me how to have respect for my body. He saw potential in me that I didn?t see in myself. During weekly hikes together he encouraged me to learn and grow. I was able to lose 60 pounds to achieve a weight of 170 pounds. I gained a higher respect for myself and my body. He didn?t tell me I needed to lose weight, but the example of his good health and influence taught more than words. I want to help other young men learn to achieve their goals and gain control over their bodies. It would be very rewarding for me to teach them to take care of their bodies as I learned to condition mine from my mentor.
It?s vital to me that I receive an education. With it I can bless the lives of family and those I meet, and so fulfill mine. The idea of learning gives me a goal that helps me to get up every day with purpose. Obtaining this scholarship would be an important aid in my search for greater knowledge, skills, and independence through the channel of post-secondary education.
Essay 2:
Question: How will a StraightForward Media Dale E. Fridell Scholarship help you meet your educational and professional goals?
My aspirations are to work in the medical field, and to pursue this I need to find the funding for my education. Education is essential to for me to meet my personal goals. Professionals have a higher income potential, and with that potential comes a greater opportunity to influence change for good. The Dale E. Fridell scholarship would provide the means for me to not have to work during school, that I may have more time to take care of my needs, help others, and give service in my community.
When I am a healthcare provider, the patients in my care will receive results. My number one priority will be that they can see and feel a difference in their personal well-being. Receiving as much education as I can will open the possibilities of what I?ll offer. I want to be trained in Western medicine, Asian medicine, and various other types of medical and alternative methods. I plan on receiving multiple doctorates, so I can funnel my knowledge into services for the clients, with the authority to back it up.
I serve weekly at the local chapter of a worldwide institution that promotes learning and service to others. Working a part-time job to cover my living expenses cuts into the time I?m able to provide them with my help. When I am in school, I?m looking to fund my needs through scholarships. If I don?t have to work I?ll be able to spend some more time aiding there.
That’s it! I feel the second essay isn’t quite complete, and that the end could be tweaked better to have a more fitting conclusion, but to heck with it. I want you to see my stuff and critique it with all you’ve got so I can get better.
Thanks,
Cameron Tucker
Hmm… I didn’t realize the spaces I put in wouldn’t print to the posting. I think I made it pretty clear where the essays started and ended, but if not I can repost it if you want a bit neater appearance.
Anyway, I’d love a response of any kind whatsoever. I forgot to mention that I DIDN’T apply for the Dale E. Fridell scholarship yet, just that I made these essays for it, and haven’t sent them in due to my trepidation with my first ever application.
Tell me what you think!
Ciao!
sorry about the repeated messages. they didn’t post last night the first few times so I kept trying. Now there’s extras. oops. :}
It’s because the person is white. There is no money out there for anyone in the “majority” because we’re all looking out for the minority to make sure they make it first.
I want a scholarship for either Fairleigh Dickinson University or Manchenster College for an economics or accountancy degree. I am 25 years old a ZAMBIAN male student who has been trtying to get a scholarship since 2005. I have 5 credits passes on my grade 12. FT PHIRI
i I shall be greatful if I be granted one
Josh,
I would love to hear your feedback. What is your email address so I can send you my essay – or would you prefer to have me post it as a comment?
Thanks,
Lissa Regets
lissa.regets@gmail.com
Hey Josh I was just wondering if you are still willing to look at my scholarship essays. I’m sorry I didn’t discover your website until now, but I am really hoping that you would take some time to look at my essays. If you are willing to can you give me your email? My email is lylytrann@gmail.com Thank you for your time.