Scholarship Screwup #6: Forget About Family

Yesterday I wrote about how school activities alone weren’t enough to win you scholarships, and that sent some of you into a panic. Seems many readers have been banking quite heavily on those school activities to win you some money. Not to worry: Today and tomorrow, we’re addressing how to beef up those applications and cash in on the mistakes of the other 99% of your classmates. You don’t have to cure cancer or stop global warming to win a scholarship — you just need to have a little more information than your classmates. And thanks to these emails, you’re going to have a LOT more. Here are two tips that will kick your scholarship applications into high gear and leave your friends in the dust (sorry, friends, but it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there).

Blood is thicker than water. Capisce?

Don’t forget your family. I know that we on the scholarship committees miss some incredible stories every day when our applicants write scholarship essays and mention absolutely nothing about the role they play in their own families. Let me say this clearly: your role in your own family is not as important as your school activities – it’s MORE important. Hey, let’s be honest: School will be over in a few years, but your family is around forever. Members of the cheerleading squad or the football team or the science club will forget your name in 10 years (trust me, it’s true — I’ve been to class reunions), but your family never will.

Probably the biggest crying shame in the entire world of scholarships is that, for years, thousands of excellent students have been passed over for scholarships. They are the students who have had no time to participate in extracurricular activities because they had to care for their families or work paying jobs to do so. Worse yet, those students are made to feel like they shouldn’t even apply, because they’re not “active” enough.

That’s the biggest and most unfair load of garbage I’ve ever heard, and don’t let anyone sell it to you. If you’re so busy with family responsibilities that you can’t involve yourself in student organizations, then you may just have a stronger application than those who do. But remember: We can’t give you credit for your family responsibilities if you don’t tell us what they are! So by all means, if it’s applicable to you, go into detail about how you spend time doing things for your family.

In the particular case of our company’s scholarships, we’ve always given heavy weight to “work ethic,” and that’s as applicable to those who work hard in their homes and at paying jobs as it is to those who work hard on the varsity field or inside the school walls. Our unwavering advice for scholarship essays is this: Tell your story, regardless of where it takes place.


42 thoughts on “Scholarship Screwup #6: Forget About Family”

  1. Kristin Saplala

    Thank you for this advice. I have a unique family situation which made me choose to stop my high school education altogether for over 6 years now and move back to my home country (Philippines). I had thought it would be a shame to mention such emotional and financial distress, but you have enlightened me on a “non-traditional student” route.

  2. Wow. So far all your tips have been enlightening. I’m sad I didn’t discover this a few years ago. I’m going into my last year of my undergraduate and definitely rolling in the loans. But, I can say all of these tips can be applied to graduate admissions essays as well! I agree, family is incredibly important, for the most part your identity comes from your early years with family.

  3. This is exactly something I needed to here. I felt so inadequate because I couldn’t do sports, clubs, or anything revolving around community service because for as long as I can remember, I’ve been working. While I would love to be able to say that I’ve done Habitat for Humanity or something equally as wonderful, all I can say is that I’ve worked at a wide variety of jobs, from serving frozen custard to selling highly overpriced clothing. I just hope that the judges aren’t high-nosed snobs who look down on anyone who’s never served in a soup kitchen in their lives.

  4. I agree 100% with this. I didn’t start hearing that participating in many organizations in school and community service would put me in the lead for scholarships/colleges until my junior year. By then, however, I was already working and hardly having time to do much else. When it came to applying to colleges, I was stressing about how inactive I had been during school. To put it in perspective, I was only involved in 2 groups, adding up to 2 years of “activities”. It was mortifying seeing other students fill out layers and layers of pages describing volunteering experience and school activities while I was able to fill only two blanks. In honesty, I didn’t apply for many scholarships for that reason. I wasn’t even going to attempt to apply at several universities due to my lack of participation. For the University of Texas ((Austin)) application essays, I focused mainly on my family role along with my experiences working at a local restaurant. To my surprise..I got accepted!! I was not in the top 10% so I can’t credit my acceptance to that, and of course my involvement was not impressive. I really believe my essays were my ticket in, and focusing on my personal life along with personal relationships with coworkers give the readers an inside view of my actual personality rather than just emphasizing outstanding service records.

  5. Josh,
    I really really want to thank you for all of your honest comments. They provide me with great insight on what these judges are looking for. You’re awesome!

  6. Family is very important to evreyone. However there can be some persons who would forget their family not just for study but also for their work.They work very hard up to late evening and go back home still with their work. They can sit to dinner table just to finish the meal and get on with their work at home till mid night. Even during weekend they still concentrate their time to their work and forget their family.

    While there can be another type of persons. They work very hard but they would stay with their family members whenever they are off duty. After office hours they would put all their work down and enjoy their livee with their family. Some boss likes these staff because they know how to plan their time for work and rest. Actually stay with family can be a refreshment for staff to keep them fresh in brain and stay in good condition for work. I like these type of person because I know how important family is to me. I would try my best to enjoy my home time with my family and office time with my work.

  7. This was very refreshing to read. The pressure these kids have to “do it all” in order to shine on college applications and to receive scholorships is incredible. Our first born pulls a straight A average (taking honors and AP classes), participates in two high school sports, and does several hours of community service, all to earn scholorship and to look great on college apps. As much as I admire her perserverance and hard work I feel we are training our kids to run like crazy with hardly time to breath. Supporting ones family is something I have tried to encourage to balance this need to do, do, do. Clearly, commitment to family has not been highly regarded. So your article gives me hope that the mentality of college recruiters and judges of scholorships will recognize this. Thanks for sharing your insights.

  8. I have been reading your posts for sometime now and I have to say, I wish more judges out there actually judged based on your criteria. I have lost hundreds of scholarships, yes I said hundreds, based upon my age, or not active enough in school or the community, or even based upon not a sad enough sob story. I work to pay for my own college because I am like many other students out there whose parents make too much money according to the government for financial aid based on the dependent status yet too little to actually send me to college. So I have worked my way until I graduated. I am a regular guy who has done extraordinary things out of the odds. The only way possible for me to go to college is to take out 70K worth of loans at extremely high rates. I was told that its an investment I would never regret. Let’s hope so. I have entered the work place at the WRONG time. I have been looking for a job for 9 months now, tirelessly, but I keep at it every day. I have met my goal. I have graduated. yet I am on the verge of defaulting on all my loans before I have even found a job. To top it off, I have not refused any job to date with over 700 applications and over 70 interviews. I just wish there were programs or scholarships that would enable me to take a bite out of the 70k I owe. So was college worth it? Consider I ruined my credit and borrowed well beyond my current needs as an independent student in hopes that I would get a solid full time job in the field that I have chosen, It’s looking very very grim. However, I hold the only degree in my family, first in my family to study abroad, first in my family to speak a foreign language, and so much more. So this is me….waiting for fruition.

  9. Thank you for all the ingredients to make a perfect recipe.

    I haven’t been active in the community, but sometimes It makes me wonder and realize that my family is part of the community; I realize that sometimes you don’t need to have all those extra hours of community service in an application; for example, when I applied to UC Berkeley, I wrote my essay talking about my personal qualities; I emphasized that my qualities were shaped by my loving family, and I was accepted to that wonderful university. I never mentioned my community hours because they were already included when I talked about my family.

  10. Thank you for this. I often feel rather strange when I begin to fill out scholarship applications and other such forms. Due to the fact that I’m currently working to play for my school, I can not participate in a great many outside of school activities. I work in the evenings and afternoons which further cuts down on that as most activities or events meet during those times. Granted I am perhaps not the norm for those who are getting this information as I have been out of highschool for some time but it is informative and interesting to read. Thanks for sharing.

  11. I have truly enjoyed these tips, and this one was quite outstanding! The comments are all great as well. I have always wanted to talk to a Scholarship Judge and ask them what there really are looking for. Now if I could find some scholarships that don’t depend solely on “need” that would be great!
    Thanks a million!

  12. Hear, hear! This is very inspiring and true. I was very involved in high school, but I wrote my college essay on my relationship as a role model for my autistic brother; guess it must of helped considering I’m a sophmore in college now 🙂 And you’re very right, because helping my family now seems more important to me than all of my extracurricular activities did.

  13. I am definitely enjoying this much needed insight despite the harshness (which i do appreciate b/c its like disciplinary enforcement lol). My essay is definitely getting some heavy revision!

  14. These are probably the best pieces of advice on scholarship. I applied most of these advices on my scholarship application(about a year ago) and got it. However, I had to do months of research to gather them all. It’s great to finally see them all in one place.

  15. This is great, and mostly true. In my case I am the one taking all loans in order to pay for college even though I can’t afford it, I must do it if I want to contnue my education. As an African we have big families and our parents can’t take of us individually, everyone has a big responsability which is to study and help yourself , your family, and others in need.
    Thanks for the information. Really appreciate.

  16. I read the paragraph you have wroten o the cite. The family is the great responsibility while we continue our life.And having us a responsibility while studying in any university is really an importand risk.Personally, I dont think to have a family until I get a position I long to get in the field of major of university,and then on my caree after graduating the university.And I believe I will have a great family like just my dreaming.
    Really it is not good to put into a risk as the family is so holy a situation in my life.

    Sincerely
    Salih

  17. My high school didn’t even have clubs to join. I wanted to start my own art club but I was discouraged to do so. The only thing my highschool did extra was sports and band, which of course I didn’t do. :S

    Thank you for this!

  18. you seem to lay a lot of emphasis on the BIG BUCKS you have to give the winner. what you are all failing to realize is that winning a scholarship to most people is not the prize money, but the opportunities the scholarship itself offers them. if that is your goal, i suggest you change it, cos the money will still finish whether we like it or not. I never pay attention to the prize money, the emphasis is the scholarship itself and the opportunities it comes with.

  19. Wow, thanks to all of the nice comments from all of you. You’re very welcome for this advice, and it’s true — don’t leave out your contributions to your family. Not all judges will recognize them, sure, but the best ones will.

    Fofo: Yeah, but you have to win the money before you get the opportunities. That’s obvious, no?

  20. Wow, this scholarship writing stuff is a big deal — I had no idea. Thanks for all the tips Josh, looks like I need to kick it up a notch to blow the pants off all those judges!

  21. that works for me because i havent really had the time for school activies all 4 years so now im playing catch-up my senior year

  22. Wow! Thank you Judge Josh! My family adopted three boys out of CPS foster care in 2007 (two of which are very special needs). Shortly after the boys were placed with my family, my mom developed Multiple Sclerosis. I was depending on my very high GPA (3.9/4.0) to help earn a scholarship, but after Tip #2 not so much. =) Since the events of 2007, I had to stop almost all of my extracurricular activities in order to help my family. I was concerned that stopping my plethora of résumé-boosting hobbies would hinder my ability to compete for a scholarship, but my family was and is more important. Now, I am attempting to play catch-up my senior year while taking courses at the local college. Your tips are great! Love your humor–it makes it easier to take (especially Tip #2). =)
    Have a great night,
    Bekah–Former Scholarship Screwup

  23. I have never thought of including my role in my family in applications. These advices are an essential contribution to my scholarship’ applications, and I sincerely thank you for helping people like me to achieve our goals.

  24. lilia wustefeld

    i reall want to thank you for the advice that also a responsiblity in the family is also very important.
    the daily live is bringing so every little weight on your shoulder as a responsible person wich is not allowing to participate at this group or that group and even worse you feel so bad about especial
    then you were so active once. so you are now having responsibilies and their is no applouding crowd for this.thanks ,cause i last week said to myself how should i tell that i am so active here and there if
    took the response to be a good mother for three growing up kids.a good daughter to my mum and dad
    wich are retired and need now my help and attention.thank you .thank you.

  25. I would like to give all the credit to how I have successfully recovered from a not so wholesome family life to my immediate family members, and then some (assuming this is what we think of family when we talk about “family,”) but this honestly has not been the case for me. To make a long story short, I’ve lived with at least six different family members from my biological father’s side of the family by the time I reached eighteen years old, that my immediate family life relationships was anything but smooth, “normal” (in the normal and general sense of what a “normal” family is supposed to be) and, supportive, unfortunately, to honestly say. This is not to say that I was totally abused or neglected by my immediate family. Also, I am not putting blame on any of my family members for the problems that we may have had, either those of which we were aware of, but did not know what to do about them to resolve the issue for whatever reason, or those problems that existed which may be even a part of the day to day daily stresses of living that can cause such family problems in any family unit, whether a healthy and happy one or not, and those somewhere in between. Perhaps this is because I had a step-parent, where there were some awkwardness in the beginning of our relationship to say the least, which therefore provided the preliminary groundwork for the future problems that were not foreseen or predictable at the time, to no one’s fault or even responsibility, now that I look back at my life, where I had a step-parent from the time I was seven years old, and am now middle-aged.

    So, what has worked for me? Looking back at my life, and how I have survived certain obstacles in my day to day living, I’m glad that I believe in God, and that I had the wonderful support of friends and other friends I met along the way in my journey in life who have now become like family to me because they have become my extended family, in a sense, for me.

    From being a terribly asthmatic young child to the point of near death, but a gifted one, to where I over-extended myself with an unbalanced life, and unresolved personal issues with certain friends that paved the way to my breakdown during my last supposedly graduating months to a Bachelor’s degree, where it seemed that my life would forever be dependent upon certain medications for survival, and be necessary to get “over” another day, day in and day out, my life situation has turned for the better, after a certain amount of therapy, coupled with certain medications (of which I am currently and slowly, trying to wean myself off them with the help of a physician and certain vitamins).

    Again, to make a long story short, I only lived with my current immediate family which includes siblings, a step-parent, and a biological parent, for only ten years total, from seven years old until seventeen years old, for my own reasons to leave because frankly, I was not happy with my immediate family at the time. Nevertheless, I managed to maintain and get good grades to get into a good college, and maintain a stable job for fifteen years afterwards, but with periodic interruptions in employment, due to small, and minor breakdowns, and problems with my medications. But I persevered and endured through hard work, and it paid off. Now, I’m currently working on my Associate’s degree, and have plans on going to law school, and yes, to try to make the world a better place, for I believe there is a lot of hope for those who are hopeful with their lives, and who refuse to give up on themselves for whatever reason, and for whatever life brings them along their journey in life, for life is a journey, and it is up to us, I believe, where we can go in that journey, provided we have goals to fulfill a dream, any dream, whether big or small, so long as we continue to work at it day by day without stopping until, we die or we simply run out of dreams to dream about. I believed and still believe that as long as we have a dream we wish to fulfill, we continue to want to live, and make better lives for ourselves no matter what obstacles come our way, for even those obstacles can just be stepping stones, and learning experiences that can teach us new things about life or how to live our lives better even in simple and ordinary ways, for I believe that anything we learn and can learn to make our lives better can only make us even more alive and intent on fulfilling whatever goals and dreams we may have in our life, and since each of us is a part of society, this can only enrich society. If any and all individuals are enriched, society is also enriched. It’s like a domino effect, or one that’s contagiously handed down from one individual to another and passed on to society.

  26. I agree with you on this one Josh. Family is indeed important than anything. From where I come from, family ties are very important. Over the years, our culture has been influenced by other cultures but at least 70% of the families here still have strong family bonds or ties. There are only four people in my family – my sister, myself, mother, and father. Being that I am the oldest, it always seems like I have more responsibilities around the house. I always find myself trying to balance out my schedule for school work, school games, school activities, help out with my family business, and of course, family chores inside & outside the house. I feel like I do not have time to be a teenager because I have all these things to do. Despite how hard it is, it is actually helping me develop and prepare myself when I am on my own and in college.

  27. I reall want to thank you for the advice that also a responsibility in the family is also very important. I would like to give all the credit to how I have successfully recovered from a not so wholesome family life to my immediate family members, and then some (assuming this is what we think of family when we talk about “family,”) but this honestly has not been the case for me. To make a long story short, I’ve lived with at least six different family members from my biological father’s side of the family by the time I reached 16years old, that my immediate family life relationships was anything but smooth, “normal” (in the normal and general sense of what a “normal” family is supposed to be) and, supportive, unfortunately, to honestly say. This is not to say that I was totally abused or neglected by my immediate family. Also, I am not putting blame on any of my family members for the problems that we may have had, either those of which we were aware of, but did not know what to do about them to resolve the issue for whatever reason, or those problems that existed which may be even a part of the day to day daily stresses of living that can cause such family problems in any family unit, whether a healthy and happy one or not, and those somewhere in between. Perhaps this is because I had a step-parent, where there were some awkwardness in the beginning of our relationship to say the least, which therefore provided the preliminary groundwork for the future problems that were not foreseen or predictable at the time, to no one’s fault or even responsibility, now that I look back at my life, where I had a step-parent from the time I was seven years old, and am now middle-aged.

  28. hello josh : thank you for your advice and really I understand what’s your points . I agree with you on this one…

  29. Thank you so much for these pointers. They’re fantastic. The only thing is… I already do all these things in my application essays that you’re saying to do. No kidding. I really do. I’ve applied to maybe 30 scholarships in the last 3 years or so and haven’t won a single award. Not even a consolation prize. I actually have real hardships (mostly related to my medical condition and my family), huge responsibilities in my household, extra-curricular activities from high school and even outside of high school (volunteering at animal shelters, nature preserves, campaign offices, Goodwill, etc.) I talk about specifically what I want to do in life with my education. I mention how I want to be an ambassador with my Astronomy degree and study with scientists from around the world, building bridges through science that will facilitate peace. I talk about my wish to join the Peace Corp and the Wolf Program in the course of my life. I talk about my People to People Student Ambassador trip to Europe. I mention my work experience and how I saved all through high school and worked in the summers to help my family. I’ve got a pretty high SAT and ACT score and my GPA wasn’t that bad in high school (I was about top 30%). It would have been better if it wasn’t for the complications with my health and family that I detail in my essays. I’m a National AP Scholar, a National Merit Scholar, and I was in National Honor Society. And yet, still nothing. I thought I was doing something wrong until I started reading these Scholarship Screwups. Now it seems I’ve been doing everything right according to you. The only award I have been given was from my university, an academic competiveness grant, that has barely put a dent in my costs. I’m monumentally confused. Please help.

  30. Thank you. How great this scholarship is. In which you value the “family”. My family is very important. Without them I could not watch the beautiful scenery of this world. I am happy that Allah grant me a loving and understanding parents and siblings.My father is a tenant farmer and my mother is a housewife who sell ice candy,peanuts and other native foods in our house. My parents support,guide,share and love us in every day of our life.We become stronger in facing every obstacles, because we don’t forget to pray with Almighty Allah. I am the eldest among my three siblings. I spend my weekends at home and weekdays at school. In weekdays my brother with his bag full of books, he carry an extra styrobox with ice candy to sell it in their school at break time. I know this may drop his self-confidence, but he volunteered to help my parents by selling at school for his allowance. Me as well at our lodging house I fry peanut and pastries to sell at my vacant time. I save the money for my allowances and miscellaneous fees. Every night I make sure that I cooked peanut and packed it,then I reserve the remaining time for studying and answering assignments. Every weekend I go home happy. Happy because I can help my father in the farm as well as I can take care my mother and siblings. I have scheduled my work in our house.
    5:00 am – pray
    5:20 am – water the plants
    6:30 am – cook for breakfast
    7:30 am – breakfast time!
    8:00 am – wash plate
    8:30 am – Clean the house (sweep,scrub,and map the floor)
    9:30 am – wash our clothes
    11:00 am – fetch water to bath for me,my brothers & for my mother
    11:20 am – cook for lunch
    12:00 noon – pray
    12:20 pm – lunch time!
    1:00 pm – prepare the bed of my brother (sleep time)
    1:20 pm -sweep the floor
    2:00 pm – stroll and sell ice candy in our neighbors with my mom
    3:00 pm – pray
    3:20 pm – water the plants
    4:00 pm – go to farm with my father
    5:30 pm – cook for dinner
    6:00 pm – pray together
    6:40 pm – Prepare for Dinner.
    7:00 pm – dinner
    8:00 pm – pray
    8:30 pm – chitchat with my parents and siblings
    10:00 pm – rest time
    “huh goodnight!Thanks Allah”.this is usually my main expression with I go to sleep. When weekend at home I really make sure I manage my time in helping them. I actually help my brother in his assignments every night.Then monday comes, I wake up early to cook for breakfast. then took a bath and clean up. then bless and kiss my siblings and parents. I go to school by riding a bus. My parents would give me 400 pesos as my weekly allowance, in which I make it as a capital in by buying peanut and ingredients for pastries then I sell it at our lodging house so that my 400 pesos will increased. Although I earned just enough for my daily consumption. I save 50 pesos per week , so that I can use it in paying our miscellaneous fees. I lodge at the dormitory of our school,because our house is far from our school. So, I am force to rent for lodge. I enrolled in the University Of Southern Mindanao, because it is the nearest school from our house for my college. My youngest brother was forced to stop because my parents income are not enough in paying our tuition in school. But I promise him that I will send him to school If I can finish my studies and can have a stable job in the future. But my problem now is I am threatened to stop this semester because of financial problem. Our enrollment is on November 4 for the 2nd semester. But I can’t enroll because we have no enough money to pay my tuition. Even if my 2nd brother will stop in schooling, and his tuition fee will be fund for my tuition this is still not enough. Please do help me. I really want to finish my studies. I know with your help I can make it. I am begging for your kindness.please. I assure you that I will do good in my studies. I am willing to pay you back just please help me. Thank you and may Allah bless us all.

  31. your tips on how to win the scholarship are very encouraging and they have at least shaped my life . keep up the good job.
    I do play a very big role in my family as I wake up every day at 5 0clock in the morning to milk our cows and take the milk to the coperative and later I have to cut nappier glass for the cows and give them water before i go to other errands. Also on Saturdays i help my parents in the garden thus a play avery big role in my family. MY father has already retired and now they are doing farming which is not able to feed the family and pay the shool fees for me and my younger brother who is in class seven.

  32. I am so glad you mentioned this. Our own situation is exactly what you were saying. My son has had to help us with my disabled inl-laws for the past nine years. Consequently, there has been neither time or money for him to be involved the extra curriculars that most scholarships want. I have included the information anyway on most of them and was just hoping that it might make a difference to someone. I appreciate the confirmation that you gave me. I have been feeling very guilty that my children have been so affected by this situation and now at least there is hope that it may some how benefit them. Thanks.

  33. Out of all the posts I’ve read so far, this is only one that actually makes sense. My mom, who is a single parent, has been out of work for years now. She was the only one supporting me and my brother. He had to take off from college to work full time to pay for school and our bills. I, on the other hand, was looking for work since I turned 14. I finally got one when I was 16 and spent my part of my summer and entire junior working to help out. I had no time for fun like the rest of my friends. My grades even got affected.

    Anyway, I do feel as if most of these scholarships only want scholars or students who didn’t have to worry about important social/financial responsibilities.

  34. This makes me feel better. I’ve always thought that as a working parent and student, I was not “active” enough in extra-curricular groups, committees, activities, etc. to really be considered for many scholarships. I know that my role in my family is more important than school groups, but to have someone outline this and to advise not to pass up applying for scholarships is a nice reassurance. Thank you!

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